Free From/Free To
It’s been many months since I’ve documented this journey, for many reasons.
I wasn’t getting better (so I thought). In fact,
I was going to die (so I thought).
It seems time to catch you up on all you’ve missed. Over the last several moons, I experienced a life-threatening drop in B12. I tried to correct it by eating my one “safe” brand of chicken, but chicken is quite low on the vitamin. My best food source bet was cow liver, which I wasn’t even ready to stomach. However, the only way to reverse a deficiency that severe, is to get injections or take sublingual supplements.
My corn-free Facebook group told me there was really no such thing as non-corn b12 supplements —or injections. So, I set off in search of some, anyway. After weeks upon weeks of frantic browsing, I stumbled upon these. This liquid B12 sublingual stuff is fermented from beet sugar, and only mixed with water. THANK. THE. GODS.
Even after the couple weeks it took to arrive, I spent some time adjusting. I had been warned by the web that I’d probably experience “start-up” symptoms, kind of like my DNA coming back online. It took almost two months to get myself up to a corrective dose I could handle. In that interim, I experienced swelling, shaking, anxiety, and more at drop doses. I had lost a full night’s sleep every 2 or 3 days for months. I was terrified.
But I persisted. It’s incredible, what calm determination does to the body. No, for it.
I’m not supposed to talk about my symptoms, but I wanted to describe the ones I don’t experience anymore, so that anyone in a similar position can know this: it gets better. Really and truly. But other than by gentle force of will, how did it get better for me?
There’s this program I’m following. Sort of. I’m not ready to name it here yet, because I’m not fully adhering to it yet. It turns out I still have to convince myself that I deserve it, that I deserve it NOW. But if curiosity strikes, feel free to reach out for more info. Because you deserve healing, too.
The program in question uses the brain’s power to heal itself from a chronic fight-or-flight response. As it turns out, such a continued state has more implications than just “anxiety”. Just as your thoughts can go into panic-mode, so can any system in your body. And as all systems are interdependent, using your thoughts to shift your body into a healthier state holds incredible power. It’s kind of like witchcraft turned inwards.
But there’s a lot more to it than just telling yourself to chill out. Retraining the brain-body requires a daily commitment, of at least an hour, to visualizing your way to wellness. It also requires that you let no self-defeating thought go unchallenged. Often, it requires support from coaches or other retrainers. But even in my faint paradigm shift, I’ve been able to take medicine that saved my life.
I’ve also been able, to eat soy. Yes, THAT legume. Just a few months ago, I was only eating lentils, beans, a few veggies, and chicken. Now, I’m eating things that once tried to close my throat, like rice and coconut. I eat that shit daily! The proof is in my pudding, now. And my miso.
A couple weeks ago, my stepdad made roasted potatoes (a food that used to be off-limits). “What did you use to make it?” I asked him. He told me it was just our spices and olive oil. Trusting him, I took a bite. “Mmmmm ... mmmmm???” Good. Too good, in fact. Oh no, had I just eaten buttered food?
Before long, my stepdad realized that he had used soybean oil instead. I was furious. I was scared. Yet, while a few possible faint symptoms appeared, I was overall ... pretty fine. Did I really just ingest one of the top 8 allergens without collapse or combust?!
Yesterday, I broke out the miso paste and scooped some into boiling water. Several slurps, and my lips didn’t swell. Just smile.
Sipping on my hot soup, it occurred to me that I should blog this victory. It also occurred to me that before long, I may need a new name for this site, after all.
I wasn’t getting better (so I thought). In fact,
I was going to die (so I thought).
It seems time to catch you up on all you’ve missed. Over the last several moons, I experienced a life-threatening drop in B12. I tried to correct it by eating my one “safe” brand of chicken, but chicken is quite low on the vitamin. My best food source bet was cow liver, which I wasn’t even ready to stomach. However, the only way to reverse a deficiency that severe, is to get injections or take sublingual supplements.
My corn-free Facebook group told me there was really no such thing as non-corn b12 supplements —or injections. So, I set off in search of some, anyway. After weeks upon weeks of frantic browsing, I stumbled upon these. This liquid B12 sublingual stuff is fermented from beet sugar, and only mixed with water. THANK. THE. GODS.
Even after the couple weeks it took to arrive, I spent some time adjusting. I had been warned by the web that I’d probably experience “start-up” symptoms, kind of like my DNA coming back online. It took almost two months to get myself up to a corrective dose I could handle. In that interim, I experienced swelling, shaking, anxiety, and more at drop doses. I had lost a full night’s sleep every 2 or 3 days for months. I was terrified.
But I persisted. It’s incredible, what calm determination does to the body. No, for it.
I’m not supposed to talk about my symptoms, but I wanted to describe the ones I don’t experience anymore, so that anyone in a similar position can know this: it gets better. Really and truly. But other than by gentle force of will, how did it get better for me?
There’s this program I’m following. Sort of. I’m not ready to name it here yet, because I’m not fully adhering to it yet. It turns out I still have to convince myself that I deserve it, that I deserve it NOW. But if curiosity strikes, feel free to reach out for more info. Because you deserve healing, too.
The program in question uses the brain’s power to heal itself from a chronic fight-or-flight response. As it turns out, such a continued state has more implications than just “anxiety”. Just as your thoughts can go into panic-mode, so can any system in your body. And as all systems are interdependent, using your thoughts to shift your body into a healthier state holds incredible power. It’s kind of like witchcraft turned inwards.
But there’s a lot more to it than just telling yourself to chill out. Retraining the brain-body requires a daily commitment, of at least an hour, to visualizing your way to wellness. It also requires that you let no self-defeating thought go unchallenged. Often, it requires support from coaches or other retrainers. But even in my faint paradigm shift, I’ve been able to take medicine that saved my life.
I’ve also been able, to eat soy. Yes, THAT legume. Just a few months ago, I was only eating lentils, beans, a few veggies, and chicken. Now, I’m eating things that once tried to close my throat, like rice and coconut. I eat that shit daily! The proof is in my pudding, now. And my miso.
A couple weeks ago, my stepdad made roasted potatoes (a food that used to be off-limits). “What did you use to make it?” I asked him. He told me it was just our spices and olive oil. Trusting him, I took a bite. “Mmmmm ... mmmmm???” Good. Too good, in fact. Oh no, had I just eaten buttered food?
Before long, my stepdad realized that he had used soybean oil instead. I was furious. I was scared. Yet, while a few possible faint symptoms appeared, I was overall ... pretty fine. Did I really just ingest one of the top 8 allergens without collapse or combust?!
Yesterday, I broke out the miso paste and scooped some into boiling water. Several slurps, and my lips didn’t swell. Just smile.
Sipping on my hot soup, it occurred to me that I should blog this victory. It also occurred to me that before long, I may need a new name for this site, after all.
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